I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
