ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
