So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
