So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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