I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
