so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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