you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
