My liver just broke up with me...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
