I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My bed smells like the plague
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
