I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
