I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
