Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
