You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
