i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
