I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
