I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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