you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
