Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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