so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
