I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
