i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
