Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Are we still banned from the library?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
