I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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