I want to stick my p in your. b.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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