He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
