i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
