I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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