Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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