I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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