bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
