Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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