Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
