I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
home. puking in laundry basket.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
