he wants to bone in the snuggie
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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