is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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