At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
