just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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