wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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