I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
