i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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