eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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