Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
