i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
