Soap is not a condiment
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
