I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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