Me. At least after what I've been through.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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