So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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