Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
