I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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