guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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