just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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