I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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