Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
