Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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