well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
