you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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