The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
