Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
