Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
