I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
