Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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