Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
