Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
