Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
