I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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