If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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