you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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