this beer tastes like vomit already
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
