I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
